Warhammer Cheese

This is not my own work - I downloaded it from somewhere... (It's still very good though.)

You might be cheesy...

(Inspired by Jeff Foxworthy's "You Might Be a Redneck"...)

If, at your friend's party, you warp into the kitchen, grab a drink, then warp back out onto the veranda...you might be cheesy.

If you, and all your buddies, carry assault cannons and storm shields....you might be cheesy.

If you tell a friend, "I'll drop by!", fly high, then arrive at his house one turn later...you might be cheesy.

If your vehicle conversions ever involve the words "assault" and "cannon"...there is a possibility you're cheesy.

If, when you teleport into battle, your opponent(s) yell, "Look out! Space Wolves!"...you might be cheesy.

If you, and your buddies, fight side by side with Shokk Attack Gunz, Ancestor Lords, Inquisitors, and Librarians...there is a chance, however slim, that you might be cheesy.

If someone aims a psychic power at you, and you dodge...you might be cheesy.

If your army list has EXACTLY 25% squads....you might be cheesy.

If you can use polymorphine....you might be cheesy.

If you use weapons named after somebody, and you're not the person it's named after... you might be cheesy.

If you're glad that you have an assault cannon, becuase your Cyclone Missile Launcher occasionaly leaves survivors... you might be cheesy.

If you can't fit all of your HTH attack dice in one hand...

If you get upset that all your opponents break before you can wipe them out...

If your techmarine costs more points than your commander...

If you've ever said "Warp Spiders? "...

If you need an index to catalog your wargear cards...

If you've ever said "Assassin with polymorphine, displacer field, combat drugs and a powerfist? "...

If you carry your 3000 point army in your shirt pocket...

... you definately have some cheese potential.

Then what is "cheese"?

Cheese is one of those concepts like Snapple... It means all things to all people. By far, the most common definitions seem to include:

Models or rules which are unbalancing, poorly worded, or not fully tested. Especially true of new rules, in association with ``Codex Arms Race Syndrome''.
Models or rules which are unduly powerful within the context of the game. They may not be unbalancing, but are much more powerful than they should be within the spirit of the 40k universe. Especially true of characters.
Models or rules which do not fit with the game background, and seem to have been introduced just to sell more figures.
The usage of the rules in such a way that one army becomes MUCH more powerful than the other, without cheating, creative interpretation, or use of hallucinogens. This is the one complementary form of the word ``Cheesy''.

How much cheese is too much? This is kind of a community standards issue... It depends upon what sort of games you or your friends want to play. When playing against fourteen year olds at a chapter approved retailer, pull out the big guns.

What could happen when I use too much cheese?

Let's take a concrete example. Cross reference the level of cheesiness you play with to the probable effect...

Cheese Effect

Warp Spider You improve your own odds of winning the game.

Warp Spider Exarch You improve your own odds of winning the game to the point where small objects are tossed at you.

Warp Spider Exarch, Double Death Spinner You would win the game, but no-one wants to play anymore. Small children point at you. You have an unusual scar on your forehead from coke cans bouncing off.

Warp Spider Exarch, Maugetar, Force Field You are dragged into a parking lot and threatened with violence. Small children spit on you. There is no longer feeling in your head above the neck. People on r.g.m.wh call you names.

Warp Spider Phoenix Lord, Maugetar, Silent Death, Void Shields, Shoulder Mounted Leman Russ Demolisher Your opponent fields the new Tyranids. He wins.

Cheese	Effect
Warp Spider	You improve your own odds of winning the game.
Warp Spider Exarch	You improve your own odds of winning the game to the point where small objects are tossed at you.
Warp Spider Exarch, Double Death Spinner	You would win the game, but no-one wants to play anymore. Small children point at you. You have an unusual scar on your forehead from coke cans bouncing off.
Warp Spider Exarch, Maugetar, Force Field	You are dragged into a parking lot and threatened with violence. Small children spit on you. There is no longer feeling in your head above the neck. People on r.g.m.wh call you names.
Warp Spider Phoenix Lord, Maugetar, Silent Death, Void Shields, Shoulder Mounted Leman Russ Demolisher	Your opponent fields the new Tyranids. He wins.